Welcome to My Canvas

A fun, random, delightful sort of a place where you can bring your coffee or earl grey and settle in for a laugh, a cry or some much needed encouragement...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Blind Side

Today I decided that if someone recorded all of my thoughts they would have a Bestseller on their hands! The things that run, dance and mosey across my mind astonish even me. One minute I think I have completey lost it altogether and then next I feel as though the last peice of the puzzle finally found it's home. Oh, let's not even talk about the emotions that accompany those thoughts. I told my hubby tonight that we have seriously got to pray about these emotions of mine! To that he kindly replied, "It's about time you admit that," which really helped my emotions.

Anyways, on to the real reason I sat down to write ....

Tonight we saw Sandra Bullock's new movie, "Blind Side". WOW! It really made me think about opportunities and how often I miss them. If we had the chance to adopt a 17 year old boy like that would we do it? I'd like to think we would. That one is somewhat easy though because we both love kids. What about bringing an elderly person into our home. A complete stranger that needed cared for in every way. That would be hard. Would we do it? By God's grace I want to believe I would want to, but oh my, the temptation to walk on by would be great.

What if it's not a huge opportunity like that, what about the opportunity to simply sow seeds each day. How many of those am I missing or ignoring?

Ecclesiastes 11:6 says, "In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good."

How many times do I think to myself sarcastically, "Like it will do any good to say anything..." or hastily, "Not today, I'm way too busy..."

It's time to change that. Father, please convict me powerfully when I am about to reject an opportunity. I pray that I will listen to Your spirit and have Your eyes and ears to see when a seed can be planted. I want to be used for Your glory. I am Your vessel, Your farmer, Your sower. I am Yours. Thank you for making me Yours.

Oh, and my friend, it's official, I have a new favorite actress (not over Audrey, but for sure over Julia)...Sandra Bullock!!! Thanks for reading. Let's check our blind sides more often and look for those opportunities!

Friday, October 16, 2009


Contentment...that's a word I haven't used much. Sure, I use it when I am counseling a friend that seems to have all the same symptoms I have had lately, but me? Not content? Hmmmm....it's true. For the past couple of weeks a restlessness has filled me. This restlessness has even caused a near heart palpitation as I just want to jump out of my skin, run through fields, yell at the top of my lungs and fall on my knees emptied from all of these crazy emotions.

Instead, I find myself in a small apartment, talking to an invisible audience, working for a boss I never see and serving a husband who has his head in a book 90% of the time or so it seems. If only I could hear the audience laugh or cry with me, if only I could reach through the phone and hand my boss the papers he needs and see the approval in his eyes, if only my husband would steal me away for a weekend and we only talk about each other and our future and dreams of ministry without a worry in the world. If only....

Then there is the issue of being 25 and all my friends having babies. Wow. That's fun. I really haven't been left out of too many things in life. Sure I was never a part of the "in crowd", but God blessed me with accomplishments, friends and an amazing family. For the first time though, a clock in me is ticking and I can't do a darn thing about it. Tick, tock, tick, tock...where's that measley alligator following me around with the "mommy clock" in his belly? Where does he come from and how do I lose him for a few more years? Capt. Hook, I understand why the tick tock drove you mad now.

One would think that an amazing husband who loves the Lord would be enough. One would think that a dream job and being a part of something much bigger than myself would be enough. One would think that an incredible family full of love for us would be enough. One would think that not missing a meal and being fully clothed for all occassions would be enough. One would especially think that God's grace, His mercy, His love, His salvation and His desire to have a relationship with me would be enough.

I think it is. However, satan slanders this beautiful picture and tells me it's not.

That's where I sit tonight. Tired of the lies, tired of the restlessness and tired of looking for the greener grass. It's here. An incredibly wonderful picture, drawn by my Heavenly Father instead of Burt, lays before me on the sidewalk and all I need to do is jump into it with faith. I can't wait for Mary Poppins to take my hand...it's time to jump.

Hello contentment. I'm here to stay. "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." Philippians 4:11

Father God, Please move powerfully in my heart right now and break me of my restlessness nature. I need your forgiveness and grace and I repent of speaking from want. Please don't leave me to my fleshly desires and wants. They will not fulfill me. Only You can satisfy. You are my living bread and water. I love You and I will step in faith into the picture you have painted for me and I will be content with what You have placed before me. I'm thrilled and grateful for Your many, many blessings. I am learning to be content and I ask for Your strength as I embark on this journey. Thank you, Father.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Beauty of Grace

Have you ever been hard on yourself? Ha! I heard that laugh out loud! It happens to the best of us... frozen pizza uncooked because you forgot to take the card board off, pasta all over the kitchen floor because you missed the strainer, hurt hubby because you bit his head off without even thinking twice, lonely friend because you haven't called in weeks, screwed up on an email at work that was to the President of some company and now you just remembered it's your mother-in-law's Birthday tomorrow and you haven't a clue what to get her, let alone has it been shipped. The next thing you know you are sulking. It's the biggest, ugliest pity party since you don't know when and mascara is streaking down your rosey cheeks and the pillow is covered in tears. All you can think is, "Why can't I do anything right?!?" You ponder and ponder your many faults, "too vast to count the sum of them".

Has this ever been you or am I really as odd as my husband thinks I am? Well, one of my many rollercoaster valleys consists of just that and I have come to the conclusion that I must get to the bottom of it so I can rise above it!

My current memory verse is Ephesians 2:4-5, "But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus."

Wow! Ok, before we get too excited here, we need to look at the entire context. I don't believe Paul was talking about our uncooked pizzas but rather our ugly, wretched sin and nature of wrath. Some of the items I listed above are indeed obvious sin (biting my hubby's head off), the other items may be a result of a more hidden sin that shows it's face but doesn't usually reveal it's name...Pride. Yuck! I never wanted to admit that I had pride. Ok, let me phrase that a little better, my pride didn't want me to admit that I had pride. Every time you think of having a pity party you might as well call it a "prideful pity party". They can be the most self-focused parties ever thrown. Now, having said that, let's get back to the good news!

If we are saved, then there is abundant good news in those verses. Paul speaks of our wretchedness and then says two very key words..."But God". Those words change everything and lay the foundation for the next part. Being rich in mercy, because of His great love for us, God made us alive and raised us together to sit together with Christ Jesus! All of this because by GRACE we have been saved.

I pray, Father, that the next time I think of throwing a "prideful pity party" that I will remember this verse, remember your mercy and your grace, repent from my sin and by Your strength return to Your fellowship and the blessings you have given me such as a seat with Christ Jesus in the Heavenly places!

I pray that I will also remember this verse when someone else in my life needs grace. When my husband is cranky or hurts my feelings or forgets to do something, or when my friend doesn't handle a situation well. I want to give them grace like you have given me grace.

The beauty of grace is that it is a gift to us from God, not because we deserve it (lands sake there is no way!), but because He is rich in mercy and has a great love for us.